my mouth tastes like poor choices
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
