Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Randomize
