I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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