Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
