I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
