your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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