i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
