there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
