I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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