Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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