the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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