I never want to see another naked old woman again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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