Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
