batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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