So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this boner is exhausting
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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