By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do herpes really smell.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
