Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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