Screwed.edu
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
