Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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