i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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