we have officially lost it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
