I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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