I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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