Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize