maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize