Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
