I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
