He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
