His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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