im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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