He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
