wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
