I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
