..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
