Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
