Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
