Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
