Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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