take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
