Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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