peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
