1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you never un-have a 4some
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
