Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
