I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
