Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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