I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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