i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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