I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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