I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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