Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
