So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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