So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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