Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm like, not good at living.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
