Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
