After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
