cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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