I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
