So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
