Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
