never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
COCAINE IS GR8
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
