My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
