I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
