yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
