DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
