I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
