eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
