i think i have herpe
just one?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
