I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
