how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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