so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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