I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
