In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize