Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
