Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
