help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
