Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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