so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
