His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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