You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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