I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
