She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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