why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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