not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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