I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
