It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
