My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
the raccoons are back...
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