youre lurking in front of me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I stole a fireplace last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
