There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
