he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
