my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
