and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
