I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
