dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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