batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
