Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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