She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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