bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
