We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dick very happy bro
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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