So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
