Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
