During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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