I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
