i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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