lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
