the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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