Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
