I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
