He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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